Halluuu ^^
This FF is a joint effort by me and my sister Izayoi7.
I would like to say that we both really like Hellsing, but we felt like writing a parody xD
At this point it should also be mentioned that we were encouraged to write a parody because of the FF from His Excellency "And secretly in the Kaiba Villa", so we have based the title on this FF.
We hope you have at least as much fun reading as we do writing xD
We would be very happy if you could give us your opinion on the chapter in a short comment!
(If you leave us a comment, we'll let you know if it goes on ^ .-)
Lg, Lodchen and Izzy

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The sun must have only just set when Selas was woken by the sound of the coffin lid rising.
As a reflex she turned around and reached out to hit the troublemaker on the hat as usual. She struck without opening her eyes, was amazed when she only cut the air and tumbled out of the coffin with a swing.
With a loud thump, the blonde vampire landed on the floor and started an angry "Walter", but then blinked in amazement when she discovered the new valet close to her room door instead of it.
Selas couldn't understand why Lady Integra had hired her of all people, since she was not only at least as old as Walter, but was also afraid of vampires.
"Sophie?" she asked the shy valet, blinking at her in surprise. "What are you doing here?"
"Mr. Alucard asked me to wake you up early today. He's waiting for you in his room." Sophia replied and you could see that she was in a hurry to get out of the small room again.
She bowed quickly to Selas again, then she was already backing out the door and Selas heard her hurry up the stairs with quick steps.
Selas stared after the valet for a moment, puzzled. She had never seen such an old woman run up a flight of stairs so quickly. With this departure she had really given Walter competition.
The blonde vampire chuckled softly. If Alucard were behind her, Sophie would certainly beat Walter at a hundred meters with ease - and Walter was known for his extraordinary speed, after all.
Selas got up with a groan and wondered why her master had let her wake her up so early, since he was well aware that she was an evening grouch. Selas dressed quickly and then went to see her master.
After she hurried down the stairs, she turned the corner - and bumped into Walter. She lost her balance and flailed her arms wildly, but that didn't help either. She stumbled back a step and landed on her bottom with a crash for the second time that evening.Walter seemed to be a little more stable, because he didn't have to struggle with his balance, but only with the empty bottles and glasses that he had carried on a tray and dropped when he collided with Selas.
While the former policeman landed rudely on the floor, he skillfully caught the bottles again and balanced the one glass on his foot - a remarkable achievement for a man his age, especially considering his extreme farsightedness, against which slowly but surely his glasses didn't help much anymore.
Selas got up again with a groan and rubbed her sore buttocks while Walter rearranged the items on his tray. When she finally stood in front of him again, the old servant looked at her with slightly narrowed eyes, finally took a step back in order to be able to see her better.
"Ah, good evening Miss Selas! Master Alucard is already waiting for you." he finally greeted her.
"Good evening Walter. Why does he want to speak to me?" Selas asked curiously, peering past Walter at Alucard's door, which was only a few steps away.
“It's about a kind… well, I think you could call it a family reunion. Master Alucard didn't tell me more about it.” The old man answers her question with his usual detached courtesy. Then he took the tray briefly in one hand in order to push the glasses back onto his nose with the other.
Selas nodded briefly to Walter again before he walked past her again and made his way upstairs. Shortly before he reached the stairs, she heard him mumble "Oh! So late again, I can't miss my soap ..."
Selas couldn't help but grin before she remembered why she was here. She entered the room bent, the door of which was only slightly ajar, and was already prepared to be reprimanded by her master for this incident.
When she closed the door and looked up at him, however, she saw that he apparently had other concerns. The whole room was littered with swatches and pictures of Victorian dresses.
Alucard looked up from a palette of pink swatches of fabric.
Selas stepped closer, confused, and briefly looked around the astonishingly colorful room. From sun yellow to midnight blue, all colors were represented in all variations.
Her master's gaze was both helpless and embarrassed when he said, "You have to help me choose a dress."
The image of Alucard, who was posing in a pink dress in front of the mirror, rose before Selas' mental eye. When she remembered Walter's words, other vampires in ruffled dresses joined them and drank blood from delicate teacups.
Selas was too shocked to find the idea funny.When Alucard held a sky-blue dress in front of the mirror, the vampire swallowed audibly and took a deep breath.