Bella:

Like almost every day I lay in my bed in my white hospital room and was almost bored to death.
The whole time I looked at the small bottle that was hanging in the drip, the liquid of which was about to get into my veins. It was that time of my chemo again, what was in the little bottle, that was my chemo therapy, a therapy that wasn't quite as brutal as the one I got before; So at least that's what I thought, because I didn't lose any more hair and mine could slowly grow back. I've always had fast hair growth, which is why my hair was almost shoulder length again.
I counted every single drop that came out of the bottle, just to flee from my nausea, which I wanted to forget, because unfortunately that had not changed - I still felt sick when I got the stuff, but from the previous therapies I knew it was normal
But it was nowhere near that bad, I could still remember how I used to vomit when I got my chemo, now with the new one it had only happened very rarely. But right now I was back to such a point where I thought about taking the kidney dish that was always ready on my dessert. I tried to suppress it, which is why I continued to count the individual drops. The bottle was now half empty and I knew that even if it were empty, I would feel pretty bad all day; I would hardly be able to get up and have to call a nurse every time, even if I had to go to the loo, although there was a loo in my room, but on such days I was simply too weak to do anything on my own and then always got a high fever. How glad I was that that mostly changed the next day.

At first I was embarrassed to have to call the nurse over and over again about small things, but they were all nice to me here, that at some point it became pleasant knowing that you had help when you needed it. I looked at the bottle again, it would soon be empty. I wondered if Dr Walker would come to me today, then he would certainly be able to tell me my results, because they had only drawn my blood this morning to see how far the chemo was working. I had made great strides in the one year I was here. I remembered how bad I felt in the beginning and how I feel today, if it wasn't a day when I was on this stupid drip, then I could even get up on my own and without any help, that was in the beginning hardly possible between chemos. A lot had happened in that one year, I had already had 6 operations, the last one wasn't that long ago, but how good that you always open the same scar again, you have had it all year can remove many metastases, but unfortunately I was disappointed in the last operation.The ones they wanted to remove were just too big, which is why they left it. But I was proud of myself, I had achieved a lot and knew I would continue to do it, I knew I would never give up because I wanted to live.

Again my gaze slid to the bottle that had now flowed through, I picked up the doorbell and asked for a nurse who could stop my drip. And it didn't take long and Sister Silvi came in laughing, I really liked her, she was always nice and friendly and no matter what I asked or what, she helped me.
"Well Bella it went through", came from her immediately and I just nodded. "Are you not okay? You are quite pale. Are you sick? I told you not to suppress the nausea, better let it come, otherwise you won't feel better." And as if my stomach did when he took command, it didn't take long and I had to choke. Sister Silvi was good at noticing when you were feeling bad, because as soon as I vomited, she had held one of the bowls down my chin so that nothing came on my things. I looked at her gratefully. And when I was of the opinion that nothing more should come, I leaned back in my bed and sighed. Even though I got used to it, I was always embarrassed when it happened in front of one of the nurses.
She took a piece of paper and wiped my mouth, then she took another one for my forehead, which had dripped sweat from the exertion. Then she smiled at me. “Are you feeling better?” I just nodded again, feeling too exhausted to say anything. "Would you like to drink something?" I shook my head, after that I felt absolutely nothing, but she poured something into my glass and put it on my bedside table, I would drink if I wanted, she knew that. Still, it had to be controlled. Precisely because I lost a lot of fluid from spitting, I had to drink a lot to make up for it.

Then she took the bowl and the drip, smiled again, and then left me alone. It rumbled in my stomach, but I didn't feel like I had to spit again, which is why I tried to close my eyes a little and then fell asleep, I heard that a sister was in my room and briefly felt my forehead. I knew the face they did because I knew I got a fever on days like that, so I didn't bother to open my eyes and just went back to sleep.
When I woke up after a few hours, I felt a little better, still quite limp but better. I took a swig of what was on my dessert and carefully swallowed it, then sat up. I was quite warm, which was probably due to my fever, but I saw that a sister had probably opened the window, I thanked her inwardly, because I think they always knew what was really good for me.On the small table that belonged to the cupboard I saw my dinner standing, I lifted the lid and saw a soup. Soup over and over again, that was what I got on such days, because it was what my stomach tolerated best. I stirred it around, there was a piece of meat and noodles in it, otherwise a lot of vegetables and soup, I spooned a couple of spoons and twisted my mouth, the food here had never tasted really good, but if I didn't have the day tomorrow Wanted to spend bed, then I knew I should finish now, which is why I continued to spoon the soup, in between I grimaced from time to time, but finally managed to finish it, then I mumbled on the slice of bread that was with it and drank the tea, again without sugar. 'Great,' I thought, 'it always tastes so bitter.'
Oh yes, I hated days like that, but how good that they only happened once a week and I was spared that for the rest of the week.

Then there was a knock. Sister Gabi stuck her head in the door and smiled broadly, I was already used to that, I think someone had chiseled a smile on her face, because there were hardly any situations in which she didn't smile, but somehow she always manages to do it cheer up.
"Hello Bella, how are we now? I was there before, but you were asleep and I didn't want to wake you." I smiled: "Thank you, Sister Gabi. I'm much better, I'm still a little weak, but otherwise Everything okay. "She smiled again, looked under the lid of my tray and smiled again. "And you have eaten everything. That is also very important, but I don't have to tell you that anymore. I'll just bring out the tray and then come back to take a fever and see if your needle is still in the right place.
Then she went out with the tray. I hated it when she always had to look after the chemo to see if the needle in my arm was properly seated, she would always wiggle it and see if it was really still in the vein. Sometimes it hurt, sometimes it didn't, but since I hated needles anyway, it didn't really matter what they did as long as it had to do with it. Then she came back in and had brought everything with her just in case she had to replace my needle. Actually, I've always been lucky until now and one of them stayed with me for up to two weeks, but it also happened that she had to change her beforehand. She checked everything and then smiled, that showed me that everything was probably okay and that made me happy and that's why I smiled too. "Okay Bella with the needle everything is fine. So today it doesn't have to be changed and now I want to take a quick fever." She put the thermometer in my mouth and waited. When it beeped she pulled it out again. "Well, that's not nice. Almost 39 degrees fever, but we now know that it is normal for you after chemo."She smiled again and left the room.

I don't know what it is - 39 degrees, that was still possible, I already had a high fever. Then there was another knock and I wondered if she had forgotten something, but this time it was Dr. Walker and I smiled. I liked him, he was kind of kind about him. He came into the room and was followed by someone I couldn't recognize at first because he was standing behind him. Then he came to my bed and the other stood behind him. I wondered if he was deliberately hiding or something, then Dr. Walker. "Isabella" said he. It annoyed me, now I've been here for so long and he just couldn't call me Bella.
"I have to tell you something today that is very sad for me. Unfortunately, I don't know how you see it either." I didn't understand, couldn't he get to the point? Was it about my illness or what? I hated it when the doctors had to go around the bush.
"Since I am going to another hospital, I will have to hand in your case, but I assure you that the doctor I have chosen for this is very good and that you can trust him too."
Now I understood why the other man, whom I still couldn't see, was there. So he should be my new doctor. Then Dr Walker got out of the way and I could finally see the man.
"Isabella, this is Dr. Carlisle Cullen."