impossible. What's wrong with you?” Her angry tone makes me wince. Now I have two options, either I'll run up to my room and she'll get pissed off, or I'll talk to her, or at least pretend to be. "I've just been a little irritated lately. I'm sorry. Nothing else. Really. I'll take a drink with me and then learn, okay?" I try to convince her with a smile that I can actually get away with it.
Maybe I should use the spontaneous free time to sleep, at least something positive about the incident.
Around noon I am woken up by my mother calling out to announce that there is food. I'm not hungry at all, but if I refuse to eat, I get bullied again, so I force myself to choke a few bites.
The next day, Mrs. Koch and Mr. Petersen approach me during the break. “Are you feeling better again?” I nod cautiously, they probably didn't just come because of that, did they? "Well, I'm relieved, but otherwise, are you okay?"
"Yes, everything is fine." I confirm. Her eyes fix my face as if to find out if I am lying. "You are pretty thin. Do you do a lot of sport?" I reflexively look down at myself, I don’t find myself that thin at all. “No, actually hardly.” Mr. Petersen intervened and explained that they only wanted to look after me, and they quickly disappeared again.The uncomfortable feeling that accompanied me through the short conversation, Mrs. Koch's doubtful and almost knowing facial expression, has not disappeared. Does she really suspect something?
When I get home, it is Thursday, it is my father who opens the door for me. I'll reassure him about my upset yesterday before I go into the kitchen. "What did you say to him?" Asks my mother immediately. Inside the anger starts to boil inside me, part of me says that it is none of their business, but externally I stay as always. “About yesterday.” Contrary to my hopes, she continues to investigate. "And what did he say?"
"Nothing." I hurry to leave, I hate having to talk to them. In such conversations there are apparently only the options wrong and wrong.
“Eva, please wait!” Today is Friday and I am surprised to find that the two school social workers are back at my school. "You're on your way home right now, aren't you? Do you have a minute? We want to talk to you, it really doesn't take long."
“Then I just have to let you know at home.” The two of them agree and I quickly write a text message to my mother so that she doesn't worry. The two of them direct me into an empty classroom, and I feel a little cornered. It sounds childish, but you have an advantage, you block the escape route, I can't leave. I wouldn't run away anyway, because I'm far too afraid of the resulting consequences of what others will think of me afterwards. Unfortunately, the opinion of others is still very important to me.
"You, Eva. Without wanting to offend you, but we think you have problems. After your weakness, we asked around. Some of your teachers said you had lost a lot of weight lately," explains Ms. Cook me. "W- what are you saying?" I whisper. "Eva, is it possible that you have an eating disorder?"
For the first time I lift my eyes off the floor and stare at the blonde woman. I quickly clench my fists to hide the tremor. “Where from?” My voice also sounds weak. "You lost a lot of weight quickly, probably in an unhealthy way, hence your weakness. We suspected we were hoping that we were wrong." Mr Petersen sounds serious. You saw through me. What will you do now? I can't let them tell my parents.
Seeking help I look at his colleague, but she looks at me with the same look. Without being able to do anything about it, I feel my eyes fill with tears until I have to wink and they run down my face. I try to wipe it off, but it doesn't work. “Eva.” Gingerly strokes Frau Koch's back. "F- Frau Koch, I-" I sob, how ashamed I am, now I can no longer deny it! "Take your time."
Part of me hates that I have not been able to hide my problems, another feels a secret joy that I am no longer alone with them, that someone is listening to me."My parents," I begin hesitantly, "they almost always argue." I am not completely convinced whether I should really reveal it. Mom and Dad will be pissed off when they find out. I'm terrified of that. "Sometimes they scream at each other, sometimes he hits them, I think. He always denies that afterwards. I try to get between them, but they just keep arguing." My tone is completely desperate, I am honestly amazed that they still seem to understand my word.
They wait without a word to see what I have to say, they don't interrupt me, believe me, understand the meaning behind the words and don't need to ask. if everyone were as good listeners as the two of them, I would speak much more often.
"Everywhere, whenever you are in the same room for more than a few minutes. One of them starts to provoke, especially when eating. That's why I try to avoid something like that." The hand on my back pauses for a moment. "You try to avoid it by saying you are not hungry?" I nod. "Most of the time, my father eats alone in the living room, they only eat in one room when I'm there. At some point I wasn't so hungry, sometimes I only eat a few bites at lunchtime when my mother is at the table."
Mrs. Koch carefully pulls me in her arms until I calm down. The two are silent and fear fills me again. I should have been silent, what will you think of me now? You will think I'm a whiner, after all, I always cause trouble.
"If I weren't there, if I wasn't their child, maybe they would have split up long ago. Just because I'm there, they argue all the time, because they have to live together. And then I also complain.", Mumble I. Ms. Koch resolutely pushes me away from her to look into my eyes. "No, Eva, you mustn't think like that. It's not your fault, understand? Listen, we'll talk to your parents, we promise you, we'll manage it."
I believe her, as hard as it should be when I look into her determined face, I want to believe. They both give me an encouraging smile before they come home with me. I am firmly convinced that they will help me to get my life back under control.
----
Hello everybody. I was asked if I would like to write a Schulermittlerff, I wanted to do that anyway. Only an OS, because I didn't want to artificially extend it.
I hope all reactions are understandable, I have tried to make it as realistic as possible.
The end is halfway open, because I didn't want to commit myself to the reactions of the parents, everyone can form their own opinion.
The role of Eve should not offend anyone who is in such a situation and only represents my idea of ​​things.
Thank you for reading.
Hikari Yumi