Chapter: Life Changes- Part 19

Hi everyone * wink * <br />
Me again, with a fresh part! <br />
So, finally a weekend, that's what I need after my boss is just getting on my nerves! Something like that just sucks when the boss annoys you and you can't say it directly. <br />
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But now I rush back to my FF and continue writing in Word. Part 20 is coming up next, I didn't think it would be longer after all. But I enjoy it, that's probably why ^^ <br />
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So, to the dear clerks: <br />
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@ Katha- Herzchen <br />
Thank you! And today the first part of Kai's soul trip begins! The next part continues. Hmm, how could Lyn think such a thing? Or rather, me? Because life and death are connected, Lyn is very sad and exhausted, but she still knows that it is over now, she can do nothing more for the foal. It just made it clear to her again that you should actually be grateful to be healthy, to have arms and legs, because things could turn out differently very quickly, or you don't get any chance at life, like the foal.Well, these are things that go through my head and for me it fits into a scene where death reigns. <br />
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And Kai will still hug Lyn ..... and so * wink * sometime in the next parts. Axo, when is there a new Animus viam Monstrat part? <br />
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@ Melody- Mäuschen <br />
Thanks to you too! This stillbirth happened to me with my foster mare, shortly before I started at the farm, she had this miscarriage, that is, the foal had more likely to suffocate itself during the birth. That was sad. You already experience a lot. Well, Kai was completely finished, most of all he remembered his past. But that's coming now ^^ <br />
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@Sylvie <br />
Thank you for your picking! What kind of final exam? Is your apprenticeship or Abitur? What are you doing? <br />
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@ Aoko <br />
Thank you for the short but meaningful picking * g * <br />
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So, go on! <br />
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Part 19- Soul Scream <br /><br />
As if in a trance, I went into the house, to my room and changed. I did everything mechanically and without giving it a thought. I only had the little foal in my head as it lay there in the straw, delicate and thin. I shook my head vigorously. Now I had to think of Elisa. In the stable I crouched on the bale of straw next to Kai. "I blame myself. I should have noticed, even if the foal had taken the correct position, I should have noticed something!" I was mad at myself too, in addition to this flood of feelings that was flowing through me. <br />
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"You can't help it either. Things just happen that often remain inexplicable ..... Someone disappears, or death. Never comes back, is forever out of reach ..... Not even a clue where this one Could be someone. You can't help it. "I looked at him steadily. His gaze was fixed. He looked at me but didn't see me. His eyes were nowhere."What are you talking about?" I asked quietly. "What are you thinking about? You're talking about yourself and your past." He looked at me, not surprised, and nodded. "Sometimes you can't do anything like you did before. There are many things that you have no influence on. I don't believe in something like fate. For that you need to know that you are destined for something beforehand, that you have to fulfill a task or the like. But mostly your life is first in the hands of others ..... until you are old enough to make your own decisions, you are either on the wrong path or you have to fight for everything. who can go their way without fighting and also know what they want to do with themselves and how to make themselves happy. I often ask myself what this so-called beautiful gift of life brings to you? Is it life when you are lonely and empty, only to carry out orders and be a machine? ”He paused in his stories.I was perplexed. There was more to it than that and I wanted to find out. The egocentric stubborn man had only given indirect insights into his self. "I'm staying here for the night. I want to be there in case there is anything else with Elisa." <br />
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"Yes.", The handsome answered simply. In the empty box next to the mare I put bales of straw and a couple of blankets for Kai and me. It was still cool at night and so we could snuggle up in blankets. We sat next to each other in silence. “You were a Biovolt blader, right?” I asked cautiously, not knowing how he would react. He nodded and a strand of blue fell over his forehead. He looked cute ..... and enraptured. He got up suddenly and leaned against the opposite wall. "What did they do? Who hurt you like that?" Kai turned his head to me and looked at me with an expression in his eyes that told me that his mind wasn't lingering in the present. <br />
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The otherwise proud and intimidating-looking elite blader sat next to Lyn and was surprised at the precision with which she was investigating.Was it just a good guess that he had been to Biovolt and had to go through a lot there? Or did she just know? Did she read it out of his eyes, which brought out the pain in him at such moments? He knew she was sensitive and empathetic. It seemed to him that she could see what was going on in others. She thought a lot about others and probably also about herself, about life, about letting live, about the small and the big things and the questions of how and why. But she also asked why, and Kai believed that this just raised the conflict of feelings and knowledge, because a lot could not be understood on the basis of logic, science and also instincts and feelings. Some things were too big to grasp. Why is our life and our environment the way it is? Could it have looked any different? Without death, also without life? Questions to which she wanted answers that would probably never manage not to raise new questions again.He struggled with himself and his composure. <br />
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Kai felt an incredible desire to finally let everything out, to scream out. To vent your anger and hatred. This anger against Biovolt, this hatred of his grandfather, which he nourished for years. But it was above all his grandfather Voltaire who caught Kai's attention. He had allowed everything. He did nothing when Kai was made submissive, never looking for his grandson's parents and even allowing them to experiment with him. That they hurt him, that they used his body for their tests, that they disaffected him. At the time he didn't understand anything. He just worked, did what he was told. And fought for Biovolt in Beyblade tournaments and won and destroyed his opponents and took their Bitbeasts. For what purpose he would only find out years later. At one point he got sick and was emaciated from fever and flu. He vomited for days and one morning something was different.The beautiful boy didn't immediately know what it was, or why everything seemed so clear to him. But he soon found out. <br />
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On the other hand, it was his past that he had guarded so well. If he told Lyn how he had to live now, something will change. Maybe then she will no longer have any respect for him? She's probably making fun of him because you can't believe a story like that! She's too freaked out, too confused! Something like that can't possibly happen anywhere in the world! And yet it is true and it is happening ..... it has been happening for a long time. Kai was undecided. Should he tell? The urge of his heart was there, but his mind suppressed it. A tough conflict took place in him, because he actually wanted to come to terms with his past and he didn't care how that happened, the main thing was that it didn't torment him anymore. Still, he wanted to keep it quiet and deal with it on his own, as always. As it has been since he consciously experienced what was happening around and to him. "Kai.I listen to you. Very happy, because your eyes are fixed. You think about it, don't you? You can feel that. Speak if you like. "The soft voice fell silent again and Kai's ability to perceive slowly returned to his clouded mind. This feeling ran like poison through his veins and soon filled every fiber of his body with it. It paralyzed him and he barely perceived his outside world. This state faded again too, but he did not know how long it lasted. Kai now looked again at Lyn, through whom he seemed to be staring before. Lyn patted on the free space next to her and hesitantly he walked towards it. She pulled him gently next to her and he allowed it. <br />
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His look seemed to be feverish and he began to speak slowly: "Yes, I was a blader at Biovolt. But I didn't want that. It wasn't right like that, the way it went there, it wasn't right! I defended myself, But I don't know what happened after that.I remember having to lie in bed for four days because I had a high fever and flu. I threw up often and one morning was a little different than usual. I was still weak from the fever and perceived everything vaguely and shadowy, but my mind was clearer! I knew where I was and what I was doing there. To this day I have no question about why ... When one of the nurses from Biovolt came into my room and gave me a blue pill, it was suddenly crystal clear to me! I had always swallowed this pill every day and was therefore drugged! They didn't have to expect any further resistance from me and I had become a puppet. These drugs clouded my mind and my perception was no longer as effective as usual. I was slow to take in what was happening around me. But my fighting spirit was not broken by this pill, I fought battles just as Biovolt had hoped.This drug was also a nice invention from their labs, tailored to problematic cases like me. It dampened the ability to perceive, but the ability to react in the fighting did not suffer. It even releases primordial instincts such as self-protection, anger and cold-bloodedness. From then on I hid the pills in my sheets. I tore a tiny hole in one side and put this blue crab in it every day. For a long time they did not find out