under me. I suddenly realized what I was going to do, what I was doing to them. So I stopped on this clod and couldn't think clearly. What should I do now? The best would have been ..... But someone else made the decision for me. Tyson grabbed me and I was saved. After that I realized a lot about myself.These guys had real strength and goodness too. They accepted me back into their team and forgave me even though I did this to them! I'm such an idiot, worse than that. Now do you understand why I think of myself that way? I am bribable, yes, for sale, you have to say, I will reveal everything and everyone if it should only bring me advantages and ..... "

"Damn it! Now stop! Are you crazy? Yes, you are an idiot, a very powerful one! Why are you talking about yourself like that? It was a long time ago, the others could forgive you. Now forgive yourself, work on what bothers you, but stop trampling yourself, knocking yourself down! I can't take it like that! "I had interrupted him and now practically snorted with anger. He looked at me in surprise - and still smiled that absent smile!
"Now that's enough with that shitty smile! Yeah, keep getting ready! At some point you go crazy and I don't want to know what happens then!Do you think everything went smoothly in my life? But should I tell you something? I got myself up again, rose again like the famous phoenix from the ashes and I gained new strength from it! I was only nine years old and yet my life was changed in one fell swoop. So terribly changed that I didn't want to admit it, couldn't understand it ..... she and I were still so small ..... "I winced and noticed that an oppressive feeling arose in my throat. Me tried to swallow the lump down and clenched my toes. Kai noticed it immediately. I jumped off the fence and just wanted to run away, away from these memories. I had lived through them enough and didn't want to bear the screams of the past anymore. Me had thought he had finished with it, but Kai's stories had lifted it up again from its oblivion, which had always been poorly covered.I started moving, but a hand grabbed my arm and pulled me back, pressing me against the fence. "Don't go ..... Please. Now it's your turn. Something torments you, I can see that clearly ....." He spoke softly and his voice lulled me into its soft sound. He took my face in his hands and put his forehead against mine. We kept our eyes closed and I started talking.

"A week after my ninth birthday, I woke up at night, woke up because I heard noises. I heard horses creaking - no, it was more like screaming, they screamed. The horses screamed and trampled wildly and panicked in their boxes The floor of the barn, where hay and straw were stored, was blazing and spreading rapidly over the entire building. My mother called the fire department and my father was already at the barn and opened a box door. I ran over there and .. ... and so do you, ..... my sister, my sister, three years younger than me ..... Elina.Elina with the long, blonde pigtails and the big blue eyes, who always beamed so happily with their bright children's laughter. My father wanted to slow us down and made it clear to us that it was far too dangerous. He was right. The smoke burned our eyes and airways, took our breath away, but we only thought of the horses. We got out of the boxes one by one, starting at the beginning. It was laborious and the animals panicked. The building wasn't right next to the pasture back then, we couldn't just open the box doors and let them run out. We had to lead them to the meadow next to the burning building. My father yelled at us and our mother, who was leading another animal out by the halter, that we would not be able to free the last seven horses from the back boxes, so I stopped. I wanted to protest, we couldn't leave the others in the stable when my sister started moving. She screamed and cried.She wanted to go back to the stable, the flames of which were now reaching under the roof and setting the side walls on fire and producing thick clouds of smoke. She shouted that she didn't want to leave her pony behind. Not her dandelion she grew up with. Her pony was her one and only, the most important ..... "I breathed in and out heavily and felt the tears that gently ran down my cheek." She ran into the stable and just wanted to save her dandelion. The roof groaned and creaked menacingly. There was a bang and the left side of the roof collapsed, tearing the other half with it. I heard these screams, this torment of the remaining horses, their pain, their fear. And then this sharp exclamation from my sister. Only briefly, very briefly, my father tried to find his way into the stable, but it was hopeless, fire, smoke and heat no longer allowed it. I ran away and only felt how two arms were around me, hugging me tightly as if they would never let go of me.It was my mother. Then I don't know much anymore. They told me that I passed out. And my sister was dead. Died for her pony that died with her. That got me down. I don't remember much about the time immediately after that. I was quite apathetic and lifeless. I kept reproaching myself for not holding onto her ... At some point I came to and wanted to fight for my life, not just for my survival, no, I wanted to live my life. I wanted to kick this life in the butt, show the middle finger and not let it get me down. I think I wanted to live for Elina too. Doing all that she can no longer experience ..... "I sobbed and wrapped my arms around Kai and sank my head into the crook of his neck. It was so warm, so nice and warm and I felt safe. So I pushed myself tight to him and let us slide to the ground.