Chapter: The forest

The forest

He was happy when he saw the forest, it symbolized inner peace for him. As he approached him on his bicycle, he saw two people and their dogs. He knew he wouldn't be alone in the forest. When he drove into it, ravens flew overhead. They crowed loudly, but they didn't do that for him, he knew they were shouting: "He's coming, he's coming". As he drove on he heard a raven crowing excitedly and quickly, but he only heard malicious laughter. He didn't notice that they were greeting him. Later he saw a robin sitting on a branch and it was singing a beautiful song. Shortly after he stopped to marvel at it, it flew into deep branches. Now he knew that it didn't want to sing for him. The young man did not realize that it was singing his song for him. He drove on. He stopped at a lonely crossroads and slowly looked around. He was about to go on when he saw two young deer emerging from the thicket. They did not flee, although he ended his drive with a squeaky wet brake.He felt that the two of them were completely ignoring him. He didn't think that the two deer trusted him, recognized him as their friend. The sun was shining, he hated every ray of sunshine that hit him. The young man knew he didn't deserve it anyway, every ray was the exact opposite of it. To his coldness inside him, which always clasped his heart.

Exhausted and dejected, he sat down on a bench in a shelter. His ajar bike fell over and the rear wheel spun quickly, but slowly but surely. He watched and his wish was to do the same as the wheel. Just stop spinning and just stop. It started to rain and the young man sighed in resignation. Now he understood that nature, his last refuge, was playing tricks on himself to make him leave at last. In the rain he saw an old man who was probably walking in the woods. He came up to the dugout and walked around nervously, hardly even looking at the boy.The rain stopped and the lively man went on his way again.

He didn't realize that the rain was stopping so that he could find peace of mind from the nervous man pacing up and down in front of him. He only realized that the man wanted to get away from him, quickly away. When he could no longer see the older man with the white beard, he took his bike and rode back the way he had come. He saw nothing beautiful in the forest, nothing that gave him pleasure. So he was also disappointed in what he believed could never disappoint him.

That was yesterday. Today he felt different. The forest didn't want anything to him. He just saw nothing himself. He loved and for her sake he even wanted to live. Then he saw the dichotomy that opened up in him. He wanted to live for her, but he also wanted to die for everything. The boundaries he met every day had become too huge, he restricted himself too much, maybe he was blind, but the other things meant nothing to him. Only she was the object of his oblivion, his greatest pain and joy at the same time.Now he is still sitting on the bench in the forest, listening to the natural sounds and loathing the rest of the world as it was. Only sees this one creature, with its long, shimmering hair and cat-like eyes.

And he hopes. Alone. Unrequited loving. In the forest.