Chapter: The path of pain begins (part2) / Do I deserve it? No, so what? / My luckiest

Chat, Addiction and Pain (Part 4)

The path of pain begins (part 2)

... I was shocked, paralyzed and my heart just hurt. Sure, I was happy for Daniela that she fell in love, but why was I so shocked? I didn't think about it for long, but began to forge several plans with Daniela how she could get him all over. We were busy with it until Stefan came along. I chatted a bit with Stefan, but then I said I had to change channels. That was our first step, they should be alone. She wrote me a message every 5 minutes and told me how it went. It probably went pretty well, but once again I wasn't really happy. I couldn't and didn't want to look at these messages any longer, where it said & # 8222; Got it right away & # 8220;. I said goodbye to everyone and left. I just felt bad all day and I just fought with my family.~~~~~ Flashback end ~~~~~

Do i deserve it? No, so what ?!

My God, if I had just said how I feel at the time, I would not have hurt the people and myself so badly. I really don't deserve to die, the deliverance from all problems. But I don't care now, things have often happened to me that I don't deserve, so why shouldn't I take one last time what I'm not entitled to? But before I take it, I want to go through my happiest time in the last month again, even if it was full of lies and intrigue!

My happiest time

~~~~~ Flashback ~~~~~
It was friday! Last weekend. But I am not really well with these thoughts, because there is still this pain that haunted me since yesterday. Is it jealousy? Or even love? No, it is not love. I can't fall in love with someone I've never seen before. No, it is impossible.I dismissed that stupid thought. I got home later than usual because I was still in town. As always, I sat in my room and turned on the computer because I saw that I was about to meet Daniela. We talked and she told me she wasn't doing well because Stefan wasn't there for the weekend. And at the same moment there was a new feeling. I felt empty and abandoned, although Danieal, Laura, Nicole and Saskia were on and my family was there too, but I was still missing something. Then it fell from my hair like dandruff. I fell in love with Stefan. I was glad to finally know, but I was also ashamed. I had just assured Daniela that I don't want anything from Stefan and that I never want to, because I don't want to hurt her. After two hours of agony, I left the chat. I could not anymore. I went to sleep. Now I was no longer confused about my feelings, but at a loss because of them!I don't know how I survived the weekend. I was in the chat every day so that Daniela wouldn't notice that something was wrong and all the time I just had to hear how much she missed Steafn. I knew how she felt and felt jealous of her because I thought Stefan would want something from her. Finally it was Monday and Stefan would come back to the chat. I was really happy, but first of all, I had to get over the boring day of school. It passed slowly and some of them came to me again today with their problems. It made me happy in a way that they trusted me, but right now I couldn't really use it to hear how wrong things were going for them in love because it made me even more insecure. Then I did it. I finally sat at home and was just getting on. But Stefan wasn't there. He had written me a message stating that he would not come back in until this evening.I was bent, but I didn't really have time to register it, because then Daniela was already there. She cheered me for three hours, because of Stefan here, Stefan there. After these three excruciating hours, Stefan finally got on. But I was able to greet him just now when Daniela started to tell and told and told. But I was smart and started a private chat with him. I stood between two chairs. I couldn't tell him that I loved him without hurting Daniela and the other way around I couldn't keep it from him without hurting myself. He probably noticed that I had something because he asked me what was going on. I told him I couldn't tell him. He pushed me for almost an hour before I told him I love him. I expected him to tell me that he doesn't love me because he fell in love with Daniela, but it turned out differently. He told me that he was on & # 8222; the first click & # 8220; fell in love with meI could not believe it. Now we were a couple, but we still had to tell Daniela. And who had the lot to tell her? I, really great. I told her. From then on, she always began to remind us that we had hurt her. She annoyed Stefan because she also cursed him now and then. She annoyed me less, even though she turned me on the same way. But I think she didn't get on my nerves because I understood what was going on in her.

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Forest Fairy ^. ~