Chapter: Pink

It's been a long time .. Yeah, I know. I'm badly behind schedule. But here is the next chapter ... I'm not really satisfied with it, but thanks to a few kicks in the butt of a certain L. I decided to turn it on anyway * laughs *

*****

It must feel something similar when an anvil is thrown at your head from a height of five meters. A throbbing, dull feeling, paired with the longing wish that someone might saw my head off and give me another one.
"That .. is .. but somewhat generalized," I say slowly and with a heavy tongue, almost as if I were drunk, "I wanted to go back. You didn't let me."
Titian just snorts and looks away again. “A member of the royal family doesn't ask,” he replies, “you should know that. After all, you're king here too, aren't you?” His eyes narrow and become cold, green ponds of contempt. "Apparently you preferred this place to ours, Your Highness."There is a bitter mockery in his words, coupled with a dismissive coolness. Has he always been like this?
I narrow my eyes and glare at him angrily. You can blame me for a lot - but that I didn't want to go back, that's simply a lie!
"I didn't prefer anything," I hiss back between clenched teeth, "I would have given my life to go back! Damn it, my best friend is with you! And .." I'll stop before I'm 'the woman I do love 'can say. Instead I add: "... Molin."
The redhead rolls his eyes. "Explain that to the two of them," he snaps back, "they will surely disagree. Especially your - as you say so beautifully - best friend." He snorts again, with a sly smile on his face, which - like me after a short astonishment I realize - the glee arises. "You mean Cancer, I suppose?"
"Can", I correct, still angry even if the thought of Molin threw me off course for a short time, "his name is Can."The smile on Titian's features widens, becomes even more angry. "Oh really?" he asks back with sneering innocence in his voice, and if it had been night and I had thus had my other abilities at my disposal, I would probably have let him fly headlong across the room for this remark.
"What do you want from me, Titian?" I ask strainedly, ignoring his provocative remark and shoving my hands deep into the pockets of my pants to dig my nails into my leg, far from his gaze.
"What I want? Well, look at someone. The Crown Prince asks me what I want." He laughs without humor and looks at the heavy curtains that block out the light of the sun. "You sent for me. You are the prince. You have wishes to express, not me. So why am I here?"
The unexpected change in address confuses me a bit, and to hide my temporary uncertainty I quickly run to the window and slide the curtains aside.I sigh quietly and happily when the sun envelops me in its warming rays.
"I want to go back," I say and look him straight in the eye, "I want Can and I want Molin."
A muscle twitches in Titian's face and for a tiny moment sadness is reflected in his eyes. "You're still the same," he says quietly, looks up and smiles to some extent, "apart from your eyes."
I frown slightly, even though I'm relieved that he seems to be a little more sympathetic to me again. I don't have the faintest idea why that is, but that's fine with me. "Well," I reply with a shrug, "that comes and goes with the eyes."
Dismas gives a suppressed laugh in his corner near the door, but wisely lowers his gaze and sinks deeper into the shadows, so that I can't be sure. Werewolves.
The smile disappears from Titian's face and gives way to a comprehensive resignation."But none of us is like we used to be," he says regretfully and directs his eyes to the layer of snow in front of the house, gently shining in the morning light.
I lift an eyebrow questioningly. "How do you mean?"
The sadness in his eyes grows. "It's hate. We have learned to hate, and it's not necessarily a nice feeling."
"Hate?" echoe I stupid and blink in amazement, "what?"
He sighs and shrugs his shoulders in a helpless gesture. "Narcissus," he explains, "all that keeps him alive is his constant hatred of you."
Although I should have known something like that, this statement hits me like a punch in the face. So Narcissus is alive, well and good - but that the only reason for this fact is his disgust for me doesn't exactly cheer me up.
Dismas clears his throat softly and steps out of the shadows, apparently willing to interfere in the conversation. "Just so that I can go with you: What is your relationship exactly with this Narcissus?"I don't particularly like the way he pronounces my brother's name. Even if he's a bastard I tried to kill, he's still my brother. One shouldn't talk derogatory about him.
The confusion of this train of thought confuses me, and so Titian finally has to answer: "They are brothers."
Disma's eyebrows shoot almost to the roots of his hair at an unusual rate, and a little of his usual composure disappears from his tone of voice. "Eh," he says slowly and looks at me crookedly, "are you actually related to every insane asshole that still travels through the New York underworld?"
I give him a cool look, but he just grins defiantly.
Titian smiles slightly and looks at Dismas with renewed interest. "Didn't you know?"
Dismas' grin widens, which I didn't think would be possible. It's unbelievable how far the corners of the mouth can stretch without tearing the lip in the middle."When you get to know Orion a little better here you will find that you knew next to nothing about him and what little you know is probably not true."
A mischievous twinkle appears in Titian's eyes, which already fits his character far more than his brittle manner before. Apparently he gets along very well with Dismas - as is the case with everyone who takes great pleasure in having fun somehow at my expense. "He's Crown Prince the Rosar, did you know that?"
Dismas giggles lightly, like a little boy who is concocting a prank. "No, I didn't know. Immediately the Crown Prince? Look at that." He laughs happily and gives me a quick look. "Always the big guy, huh?"
"Shut up," I hiss angrily, currently just not in the mood for stupid games like "Orion is stupid", "You have no idea what it was like back then." I turn my head to Tizian um, whose happy smile slowly seeps away like water in a flowerbed."And you! Who you actually know about it! You actually still have the audacity to laugh ?!"
Involuntarily I clenched my fists and narrowed my eyes to slits. Anger pours through my body like poison.
"Orion", Dismas says soothingly in a tone that instantly reminds me of who are the good guys and who are the bad guys in this game, "calm down."
The anger evaporates as suddenly as it came and a wave of guilty conscience spills over me when I take a look at Titian. The rose has averted his gaze and pressed his lips tightly together. In his eyes I read something like a bitter realization of his worst fears, and I sigh softly.
"Titian ...", I begin in a pleading tone, "you have to understand that ..."
"I understand very well, Sire," he says sharply, "you are verily your father's son."
I look at him in shock for a moment before I press my lips together and shake my head.If he wanted to hurt me, he can congratulate himself - he did it.
Even if I haven't met my father myself yet - I've heard enough whether rumor or truth is left open to know pretty well that I want to leave it at that state too. The only living being besides himself who ever meant anything to him was my mother - and that's not a particularly good cut for someone who rules an empire of thousands upon thousands of Rosar. Supposedly I look very similar to him ... And maybe that's the reason why I almost never saw my mother for more than 30 minutes in a row before she left the room with a flimsy apology. Anyway - he's a tyrant. And I made up my mind early on never to be like him.

"Where's your father actually?"
The innocent question throws me completely off track and I look at Leia a little aghast. "How do you come up with that now?"She just shrugs her shoulders and continues walking next to me. "Well, I've asked myself that before ... Your mother's husband - that's not your father, is it?"
I look briefly at the ground and kick a stone that lies boldly in front of me a little further away. “No”, I answer, “he is not my father.” Even if I call him “Dad” and for me he is the closest thing to a father - we are not blood relatives. He's Calvin's father, not mine.
"Good," she says, slightly impatient, "and what about your father then?"
I give her a quick look and grimace. "He's gone," I answer, "after I and Allan were born, he left."
As if we drove him out. At least that was how it had always seemed to me.
"Went?" she picks up and frowns slightly, "where to?"
I just shrug my shoulders and look to the side. "Path."
She looks long and carefully at my averted face, but says nothing.At some point, however, she crosses her fingers with mine and I come to the conclusion that I can have a pretty good life without him.

Dismas' gaze flits back and forth between me and Titian, while his nostrils tremble slightly - like a wolf smelling a trail. "I don't know your father, Orion," he said and gave me a look that was difficult to interpret with irritating, bright, golden eyes, "but if you are really like him, he must be a better man than everyone in general reported. "
Titian blinks at these words and imperceptibly grimaces. He presses his lips together and looks at me with deep green eyes without emotion. All beauty suddenly seems to have fallen away from him, and I suddenly realize with a sudden certainty that the attraction we perceive as beauty must lie in the hundreds of amplified sensations of the Rosar - her perfection is nothing but a reflection of her feelings, and these feelings make her that way unique.For a moment this realization makes me a little dazed.
“Forgive me,” he says quietly, “like I said - I haven't been who I used to be