Chapter: Rosary II

Hach, you are great ^^
That's what I call loyal readers ... And that to me, probably the most lazy author of all time * sfz * (Although I also have other candidates ... * a little punishing look around *) But for the fact that you are like that Dear was and soooo patient, there is the next chapter extra fast, tada !!
So that you don't forget the story again, so to speak as a reminder * laugh *

***

His hair has grown longer. And lighter, if that's even possible with silver-blonde hair.
His gaze, however, is still the same - red, piercing, and with an incredible contempt in the eyes that makes me shiver.
"Narcissus", I say a little slowly and in a hoarse voice, but am actually already glad that I can still speak at all, "you are alive."
He raises an eyebrow ironically and takes a step towards me. His presence is overwhelming, everything seems to fade next to him - even Titian has been forgotten, who has to hide behind me somewhere."Not if it's up to you, right?" he asks with a dangerous undertone, and with the utmost effort I can conjure a seemingly carefree smile on my face.
"You do what you can," I reply laconically, and to my surprise an unexpectedly amused expression crosses Narcissus' face. Only slowly does the realization seep through in me that it really is he, the Prince of Roses, the Leader of the Beautiful ... and my big brother. Dorian. I swallow hard and would love to take my eyes off his relaxed features, but unfortunately I can't.
"How true," he says after a few seconds and turns around with a jerk. I breathe a sigh of relief, happy to finally escape his already incredibly beautiful face, and turn my head a little to one side. My gaze falls on flaming red hair and regretful green eyes that seem to seek my forgiveness in confirmation and pleading. I just shrug my shoulders and look away again - he probably had no choice and besides, I had specifically asked him to come here ... But the fact that he pushed me right into the arms of the being who made me hated the most in this universe, but the image of the subordinate friend clouded it a little."Am I mistaken", Narcissus' voice cuts through my thoughts, and I am aware of his presence again with every cell of my body, as if he only had to think of me and nothing remained in me except for the knowledge that he exists, "or were your eyes blue before?"
His eyes search mine, almost as if looking for the missing shade, and this time I manage to look away. "Not always", I answer truthfully, before following a sudden impulse I raise my eyes again and look at him directly, "Dorian."
The severity slips away from his features and he blinks in amazement. Between the blink of an eye, I think I see the warm brown with which he used to look out into the world, but I can't swear to it.
"So you know," he says hoarsely, and I just nod. For a brief moment I feel like I used to, the eternal admirer of Dorian, and a sudden feeling of happiness that I have found him again flows through me.Then he continues, and the feeling instantly fades.
"Dorian is dead."

It is the 50th anniversary of Dorian's death, and like every year I am standing in front of his grave a day before the actual date. A simple, black stone adorns the earth and marks the place where his dead body has been buried. Without a word I put a green shimmering stone on the lawn - next to 9 others that look almost exactly the same. 9 stones from our garden, from the secret spot of earth that only he and I knew and which has now become my refuge. 9 relatively large, green shimmering stones - one for each year that has passed.
"I knew you would be here."
I close my eyes in resignation and don't dare to turn to look at the voice. I know who it belongs to anyway.
Leia.
I've avoided her since the thing in my room, mostly surrounding myself with basketball and cheerleading friends at school and avoiding anything that had anything to do with her.To see her and to know that she is no longer mine hurts at least as much as the anger over her betrayal.
"I haven't seen you in a while."
Her voice sounds intentionally casual, as if we met by chance and not as if she had followed me to the cemetery and to my dead brother's grave.
"You won't miss a thing either," I reply coolly.
I can clearly see her crooked smile, even if I still avoid her gaze. Like Allan, she has the gift of discovering my well-hidden feelings through even the most perfect mask of indifference. Right now I'm desperate - and she knows it.
"You're missing me."
Three such small words, and yet they feel as if someone happily got into my chest to give my heart a hard squeeze with the greatest pleasure.
"I don't care," I reply harshly and finally turn my eyes to her, and she shrinks from this look - it showed real contempt as well as almost endless pain."And I would be grateful if you could leave me alone."
"Ryan ..." she starts pleading, but I make a jagged gesture and cut her off.
"Stop it, Leia," I say sharply, and the taste of her name on my tongue almost tightens my throat, "I don't want to hear this. There's a reason you didn't see me, you know? I wanted to not see you. Still don't want to. And it is presumptuous of you to follow me this far. You have no right to be here! Not anymore! "
Inadvertently I almost yelled at her when I said the last few words. She lowers her gaze and she drills her fingernails into her thumbs, as she always does when she is agitated. God, I just know her too well.
"I know," she replies so quietly that I can barely understand her, "but I had to see you. Had to speak to you again. Feel your gaze on me. I ... I love you, Ryan!"
I have to control myself not to shake her like a rat."You have a fucking fucking way of showing it."
A humorless laugh escapes her lips and I look back at the grave. Everything in me screams and pangs to hold her in my arms again and to feel her head on my chest again ... She who is my perfect match. Without her I'm incomplete, not really me anymore, but I'm too proud and too hurt to give that in front of her.
"Look at me," she asks quietly at some point, after we have been silent for a few minutes and I have somehow accepted that she is there, "please, at least look at me. Hate me, detest me, but please - ignore me no longer!"
I snort softly and turn my gaze to her as requested. "Don't make it so easy for yourself," I demand sharply, "you don't suffer as much as I do and this is your fault. So you don't play the victim just because it suits you so well!"
"I suffer a lot more," she contradicts and takes a step towards me.I don't move from the spot, but every muscle in my body tenses, "because I know exactly that I've screwed up everything and how much you are suffering, and I can't comfort you! Can't scold you at this stupid girl who was so incredibly stupid to let someone as wonderful as you go! Can't look at you or speak to you because I know it'll only hurt you more ... "
"If you know all that," I interrupt her angrily, "why are you here then? Why are you torturing me? Get out! I'm serious! Get out of here!"
She bites her lip and steps closer to me. "Because I'm selfish," she replies, her voice shaking, "and because I'm not as strong as you are. You may be able to not see me ... But I can't. I can't take you off paint my life. You are a part of me, the other me, my .. my heart. "She falls silent and looks at the grass at her feet.I'd love to go to her and pull her close, breathe her distinctive smell, but I can't. My legs have grown in place.
"Then you must learn to live without a heart," I reply coolly, and she gives a dry sob, turns on her heel and leaves me alone.
I take a deep breath and crouch down in front of Dorian's grave. "I'm so sorry," I whisper with a broken voice, and in the next moment I'm not quite sure who I addressed these words to.

"Ryan too," I reply almost inaudibly, and the sudden memory makes my voice sound choked. It's a lie, a big fat lie - right now, right now, Ryan is living a lot more than Orion ever was. <i> Who, </i> I wonder dully, <i> is this Orion at all? This vampire, this killer, the one who always does the wrong thing? </i> It's pointless to ponder - after all, I've spent more than three times the time I spent as Ryan Ope as that Orion, and although I hate to see it - Ryan and Orion merge into one Person.If ever it was different ...
Narcissus shrugs when I mention my - former? old? out of date? - named slightly together and shortly afterwards his eyes narrow to narrow slits. "It's nice that we agree on that," he replies brusquely, moving towards me so quickly that I don't even notice, and then he puts his fist in my stomach. The air escapes from my lungs with a hiss, similar to the tired snort of a holey rubber dinghy, and I fall down on my knees, gasping, and hold my stomach.
It was clear to me that he would attack me sooner or later ... However, I had hoped that I would perhaps face it a little more prepared, but my current state seems to be making a big mistake. <i> So much for the dignity of the messenger </i>, I think stupidly, <i> here you king crouches in front of the Prince of Roses like a beggar before the Lord. </i> The little play on words brightens my face slightly and I manage to give him a faint smile.“I liked your alter ego better.” The bitter truth in the few words only becomes clear to me a few seconds later, when the anger in Narcissus' eyes explodes and his elbow cracks on my temple out of nowhere and a comforting blackness embraces me.

Darkness. Voices. Shreds of light ...

"I made my will yesterday."
She lifts her head in surprise while I drop into a chair next to her. "What? Your will ?!"
I nod and take a look at the book she is reading. Shakespeare. Again.
"Yes," I say, nodding, "who knows, I might get run over by the bus tomorrow."
She snorts and frowns. "Great performance."
"I'm not saying that I think that's a good thing," I reply, "but I think you