Broken Doll

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Copyright: The story is a translation from English !! It all belongs to
LeDiz!
So keep your hands off it!
And clerks are translated as always!

And thanks again to my Beta Miau-Maunz (Miau; Eiri-Yuki) I miss you dear!

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Broken Doll

I found this broken doll a few years ago.
At least I think I found her. Maybe she found me. I'm not sure and I never bothered to ask. First of all, I hardly think the doll would answer, and even if it could ... I'm not sure if it knows too. All I can say is that one day I didn't have it and the next I had it.

It's not a particularly great doll. I think she's beautiful or ...
it could be beautiful ... but it is broken.A lot of people tell me that she looks weird and they are probably right. The doll is quite big ... it's about the size of a ten year old boy, but I suspect it should be older.

White material represents their skin, the type of material so soft that you want to caress it forever. But her chest and legs are made of blue leather.

Strange, I know that. It has dark red tips and lightning-like bolts hanging around its face. I suspect they are supposed to represent hair as well. She has very big, light, purple buttons for eyes, pink spots on her cheeks, and an ugly, light, white smile.

The only thing I don't like about my doll is that smile. And I can't take it away from her; the seam is too tight. I suppose there's a prettier one underneath, but as often as I try, I can't remove big smiles.

When I found it, I took it straight to my room.Many people told me that I was crazy and that I shouldn't keep the doll, but I didn't want to listen to them. I picked her up and didn't let go of her until I had her sitting on the windowsill near my bed, where she looked out over the dunes. At that very moment I decided that I would keep this doll forever and try to fix it.

As I said, my doll broke. It has two large holes in its leather. One in her stomach and one in her chest. There's one in the middle of her leg too, but it was patched up when I got it, covered with a square piece of black leather, and tied with a buckle.
The seams of my doll are diverging. And there are two long, thin holes in her face, running from her eyes, over the pink spots, to the lower part of her head.

These were the first things I tried to mend. I sewed the pink spots back on, sewed them tighter than before, and the holes went away for a while.But very often they came off again and the stains slipped off.

One of my friends, one who meets me very often, came over once. . I asked her if she could mend the hole in the little doll's chest. She put a large, pink felt heart over the hole and sewed it in place. The seam lasted for a few months, but after a year or so ... it came off. And it sure wouldn't last for more than a day or two now.

And then I found this big, yellow piece of vinyl. It was bright and shiny, in the shape of a triangle. I made it over the hole in my stomach and it held. The hole would remain fixed for the next few months.

I reattached the cheek patches and they didn't come off. The holes beneath them were secretly sewn up again. I glued the heart in place and it didn't fall off. I tried to sew the arms and legs back on and they wouldn't come off.

Everyone who comes into my room loves this doll.A few people want it to themselves, and some have even tried to steal it. But most of them just tell me to get rid of them. They say that it is wonderful and special and that they would like to own it, but they don't think I should have it. You seem to think that I'm not safe with her. Or maybe they think that she is not safe with me.

I do not understand. Wasn't I the one who fixed them? How can she not be safe with me?

But sometimes I also think that they are right. After all, when I'm in any kind of bad mood, I turn to my doll to make me feel better. I hit them. Sometimes. I hit her and try to let the pain subside. But it doesn't work. Then I just feel worse than before. Another time, I sit down and try to fix the rest, but each time it just disappoints me.We both disappoint me. Me because I am unable to fix it and she because it won't hold up.

But sometimes I just hold it. I sit on my bed like a little child with a teddy bear and hold her tight to me. I stroke her back, tell her everything will be fine and start believing it myself. I know it's ridiculous and childish, but when I hold my doll like this, I feel like nothing is a problem anymore.

But that's not the only strange thing about my doll.
Whenever I leave the room, I make sure that she is sitting on my windowsill, her head propped against the window and looking out. Anything else can be a mess. However, I make sure that it is in its place. I do the same when I come back in. Of course it is always where I left it. Everyone knows that nobody is allowed to touch my doll unless I allow it. Nobody is stupid enough to try and take them while I'm away.No more. Not after the last time.

But just as often, I come back in and something is different. Sometimes my room is cleaner or brighter. You are probably thinking by now that this just means someone came in and cleaned up, however I know no one goes into my room. Not without my telling you.

It's not that I think my doll is moving around or doing anything. That would be crazy.

But it's undoubtedly a little different since I found my doll.

I told you my doll is falling apart. And how I made this triangle tight and everything started to stay tight. I seem to have forgotten to tell you the rest of the story.

After a while, I thought my doll was completely fixed. So I stopped trying to patch them up.
That's not all. I started to ignore them. It was just another part of my room. Of course, I insisted on not letting anyone take it and if anyone were to judge it, I would say that it is mine and that no one should touch it.But otherwise I didn't pay any more attention to her. I was too busy. I was learning about myself and the doll was not part of me.

Ultimately, when things got too heavy and depressed, I turned back to my doll to make myself feel better, and only then did I realize

My doll had completely fallen apart. The only thing that held together was a few threads. The only part that was left in place was that horrible smile. Even the eyes were scratched and unpolished. My vinyl triangle hung in her lap, all but forgotten. The heart sagged.

I begged my friend to come over and sew them back together; and she tried, but everything just fell down again. I tried to glue it on, but instead just ruined the material.

I must have forgotten how to sew.

I have an idea how to fix my doll but if I'm wrong things can only get worse and I don't want to risk that.I asked all of my friends if they would fix it, but they were either too scared to try or they just couldn't.
So now I have this broken doll and all I can think of is to wrap it in bandages, hold it tight and beg to heal yourself. The only thing that stays in place without my bandages is that cruel smile.

Can you fix my doll
I'm too scared to try ...

Owari

Clerk? Sorry?
And remember ^^ they will be translated! So don't forget the author herself!