prolog

I had this terrible dream again for a long time. I was in this cathedral, and no matter how bright and cheerful its interior was, it radiated an immense gloom. It was tiny things that made it up. Things that weren't what they should have been. The facial expression of the petrified angels or bulges that somehow looked much more pointed than round. It was like something very dark and evil was hiding behind that fake, bright facade. You could really feel that there was something true, real that was hidden by what was fleetingly brushed over it. And this falsehood was so obvious and clear that it almost hurt. I knew something was going to happen, but I just couldn't remember what it was. It was a very painful feeling, especially because I knew I was about to find out and wouldn't be able to defend myself. I knew it wasn't going to be good.And that's when it started. A spark jumping out of nowhere and the large crucifix in front of me began to catch fire. 'Why the damn was it all made of wood? ´ I still thought to myself. Then it began to move slowly, tipped on its side, and then fell silently onto its tip. Since it was still attached to a beam in the middle, it was now upside down. This burning, blasphemous sign seemed to literally grin at me, in his triumph to have triumphed over this holy place. Here evil had triumphed over God and now gave birth to the gate to hell. The fire had already spread to the first rows of pews and it would burn the whole cathedral too. Now I remembered that I had woken up in the meantime. I had seen it myself, just a few months ago, and in reality the nightmare would never end. At that point something in me had died. Something that had forever taken my ease and joy away and after that I had always had a queasy feeling when I saw crucifixes or churches.I was always sure that they all had to be just as wrong as all of this. That was also the reason why a dark and evil world, into which so many who had lost their inner innocence were able to flee, was a thousand times more dear to me than a false, good world. Because a world that was already so bad could no longer disappoint me. I just felt betrayed by the pseudo-goods of the church, even though I knew that someone would be found very quickly to refute my claim. Someone who thought they were smarter and just as ignorant.
But I had taken a look at Hell and it left scars forever.