considered the reasons for this behavior, that Kai might have been raised very differently than myself and my friends.
// I have to find him and apologize! Who knows what else he's doing to himself? //
Heavily depressed by my thoughts, but also encouraged, I sprinted to find my friend and help him.
#this is the right decision Ty! * ty cheer * #

+ ~ + Kai's PoV + ~ +

Without the slightest orientation, devastated and with leaden limbs, I ran on. On and on, I didn't know where to go. All I knew was that I had to run fast so that all the terrible memories would stay behind and not frighten me anymore.
My way led me across Moscow.I didn't notice the strangers walking past me and giving me funny looks, I ran, ran, ran for my life. I didn't notice anything anymore. Only one thing: and those were scraps of memory from my past in the abbey, all the terrible images that would torment me with nightmares from now on, night after night, and Tyson's harsh, gruff voice yelling at me.
// He certainly didn't say that on purpose, he didn't mean to harm you //
> Yes, he did! He wanted to hurt you! <
// No, he didn't want to! //
I fought an uphill battle with my conscience, which persistently tried to convince me that Tyson had chosen these words especially to see me suffer, to hurt me. But I just couldn't and didn't want to believe it.
I had known the hungry, often unintentionally fooling, but otherwise totally fun-loving, sincere Japanese man for a few years now, and I had even got to know Tyson quite well.Even though he was often quite self-indulgent and often very combative and was quick to express his opinion, he was basically a good person who didn't want to hurt anyone. He could make friends even with his worst enemies, and that was a trait I had always admired in the younger man.
Because I myself could never be as cheerful and carefree as I would like, the past clasped me too tightly for that. My upbringing was so firmly entrenched that I didn't even notice it anymore. I hid my feelings behind a mask, a mask of indifference and calm. But inside of me it was raging, this multitude of feelings, which also now stormed me, were too powerful for me to be able to tame them.
I had done that for far too long and I had to suffer a lot because of it.
Today I opened up for the first time, but instead of getting my innermost desires fulfilled and finding a little comfort and help, I was disappointed again.I had already stopped counting, but I had been disappointed many times. Over and over again. And again and again I had to suffer terribly because of it.
I stopped panting. I didn't look around, I also knew where I was.
My feet had brought me back to the place where my suffering began: the Valkov Abbey in the heart of Russia, an elite school for bladers, but in reality it was hell.
// I always have to suffer ... when does this finally end? I could finish it, but I don't have any of it ... and I learned early on to accept life, no matter what it brings. Besides, I wouldn't have the courage anyway, because even to die you need courage ... and I just don't have it. The best thing to do is just forget about it. Nothing has ever happened, Tyson is unaware of my feelings, and everything is as it always was. It's that simple. I'll just forget about it and carry on like nothing ever happened.Yes, that's exactly what I do. That's a good idea.//
> Are you sure? But that doesn't help you either ... <
// Yes, that helps me! Then I have one less ailment! //
> This is wishful thinking. <
// Maybe, but it helps me for a while. And now shut up, you stupid conscience. I don't want to hear any more! //
#I know it sounds stupid for Kai to talk to his conscience! After all, he's desperate because you do things that you never do otherwise! xP #
I took several deep breaths, went to the small fountain in the backyard of the abbey, and washed my face with the ice-cold water so that the traces of the tears could no longer be seen so clearly.
// The best thing is to just go back to the hotel and pretend nothing has happened. I just hope Tyson plays along too, otherwise I'll give him a rub that has washed himself! //, I thought with a grin and looked at my fist. But at the same time I was shocked by my thoughts.So far had Voltaire's henchmen got me that I seriously thought of beating up my friend just to shut up?
// Fuck! That can not be true! Voltaire is right, if I stay in his influence any longer, then I will irrevocably become like him ... But I don't want that! I don't want to hurt my friends, otherwise I'm no better than the old geezer! //
Sighing, I made my way back to the hotel. It would take me about an hour to get there, even if I hurried, but I would be fine. Tyson wasn't allowed to screw up my plan, I wasn't sure how long I could keep this mask on.
+ ~ + Part 1 end + ~ +

So, that was the first part ^^
I hope it meets your expectations to some extent, because to be honest I hesitated whether I should upload this ... I'll wait for your opinions first ... if there are at least 3 clerks then I'll upload the second part ^^cu ~
* cuddle yu all *
your OS-writing-Manni-thingbums
xD