Desperate

As promised, it continues ^^. Thank you for the dear clerks, they really give me a boost.

And I'm desperate
and I don't know what to do
and I keep wondering
are we born for sound and melodies?
Why am I desperate (why are you desperate)
And why don't I know what to do (why don't you know what to do next)?
And why don't I find the way
don't see the light.
(Rapeseed)

As Tenten slowly walked home through Konoha, she suddenly heard a low voice calling for her. She didn't turn around, but kept walking with her head bowed. She didn't want to turn around, didn't want to look Yama in the eye and assure her that everything was fine. She didn't want to lie to Yama. Tears welled up in her eyes, but she suppressed them. A hand was on her shoulder. Tenten stopped. Slowly, her shoulders trembling slightly, she turned around. “Hello Yama.” She wanted to say more, but her friend cut her off with a wave of her hand."I don't want to hear anything. I just want you to come with me," she muttered in a lowered voice. Tenten considered whether she should just turn around and run away, but Yama looked at her with such a heartbreaking and pleading look that she reluctantly obeyed her. Slowly she followed the pink-haired woman through the village and on to the place where Team Gai was training. At the edge of this clearing was the cherry tree under which Yama and Neji had kissed for the first time. Tenten remembered that day exactly.

~ Flashback ~

Tenten went to training in a good mood. It was a beautiful spring morning, the sun was shining and the birds were singing. Tenten was looking forward to seeing Neji again after a long break from training because of a mission from Sensei Gai. She knew he would probably be cold and dismissive as always, but Tenten didn't care. The main thing was that she would see him again and hear his voice.When she got to the clearing, no one was there. Tenten sat down on a block of wood and put his head in his hands.

After a while she suddenly heard faint voices approaching the clearing from the left. Tenten looked up. One of them was Neji's voice, but who did the other belong to? She was clearly female. Maybe Hinata? Tenten listened, but it didn't sound like Hinata. She was sure to have heard the voice, but could not assign it. She quickly hid behind a tree and stared in the direction the voices were coming from. At that moment Neji entered the clearing. Yama strolled beside him. Relieved, Tenten wanted to come out of her hiding place to greet the two of them, but at the last second she paused. Yama smiled at Neji and wanted to say goodbye to him, but he almost held her wrist and pressed her against the cherry tree under which the two were standing. Yama looked a bit confused at first, but then she smiled gently.Neji's face slowly approached Yama's. The pink-haired woman closed her eyes. Tenten could only watch with wide eyes what was happening right in front of her. Her Neji kissed her best friend. For Tenten, the world fell apart the moment the lips of Yama and Neji touched. For a few moments time seemed to stand still, but for Tenten it was like an eternity. Her heart seemed to have stopped at first and then began to pound like crazy. She sat there frozen and couldn't move.

Only when the two broke up and smiled in love, Tenten was able to move again. She still hadn't fully realized what had just happened, but after a while it all got to her brain. And her heart began to scream. Neji could just as well have thrust a kunai into her heart, that would have had the same effect. She heard Yama saying goodbye to Neji while Lee came into the clearing and greeted Neji.She herself got up and staggered, tear-blind, into the forest. She couldn't face Neji. Tenten didn't know where she was going, but she didn't care. She didn't care about anything the moment Neji and Yama kissed.

~ Flashback end ~

Tenten smiled bitterly. That was the day when everything had changed. She had grown colder, showing no more feelings. But at the same time she had also become desperate and self-destructive. How many times had she cut her arms open at night when only the moon was watching? She no longer knew, but the scars on her arms testified to the suffering she endured.

Tenten was rudely torn from her thoughts when Yama stopped abruptly. She looked around. Contrary to expectations, they were not standing in front of the cherry tree, but a little further in the forest, in front of an old, mighty oak that had been split in half by lightning. Tenten came to tears, at the last moment she bravely held them back.Yama had led them to the tree where they had played so often in the past, told each other their most intimate secrets, and laughed and cried together. They shared every joy, but also every sorrow, just like best friends do. And at chest level, in the bark of the tree ...

Tenten approached the tree and carefully touched the scratched mark. "By Yama for Tenten: You are my best friend, I love you so much," she mumbled softly. Then she touched the text next to it. “By Tenten for Yama: Best friends forever.” Tenten sobbed. "You see Tenten. You see how much you have changed. We vowed to always be there for each other, but you let me down. Why are you doing this to me, Tenten?" There was pure despair in Yama's voice. Tenten turned to her. Her eyes were swimming in tears. Yama pushed off the ground and landed gracefully on a branch of the oak. Tenten followed her and sat down next to her.For a brief moment, the feeling of warmth and security overcame her. As if everything were the same as before. As if everything that Tenten had changed had never happened. As if she and Yama were still best friends who laughed and cried together and were always there for each other. As if there wasn't a Neji who had formed the invisible wall between the two. But as soon as this feeling came, it disappeared again, leaving nothing behind but emptiness and the longing for security. Tenten got up suddenly. Yama looked at her with watered eyes, almost frightened. "I'm sorry, Yama," Tenten said curtly and in a colder voice than originally intended. “Sorry, but I can't just pretend everything is okay.” Then she jumped off the oak branch and landed gently on the grass. She slowly disappeared between the trees. Yama didn't follow her.

~ Tentens View ~

I run hastily through the forest. I don't know where I'm going, the main thing is away from Yama and this tree.I run until I can no longer. A burning pain on my arm makes me groan. I take a look at my wrist. The bandage on the right arm is soaked in blood. The pain blurs the surroundings before my eyes. I slowly sink to my knees. I realize the cut on my wrist is ripped open again. An uncontrolled tremor makes my body shake. I close my eyes tired. The pain gives way to a feeling of deep peace. Nobody knows where I am. Nobody will be able to save me this time. This realization makes me smile and close my eyes. And slowly I fall asleep ...

And? Did you like it a little * darling *? At least two clerks, please, otherwise I won't write any further.
Your bloody_sacrilege