One Shot No. 3 - 【ƒιƒтєєη ƒυcкιη 'уєαяs ...】

It's been fifteen years now.
Fifteen long years in which a certain feeling haunts me again and again. A feeling that I couldn't describe all along. Even now it is very difficult for me to put that feeling into words. The feeling when I think about you, when I think about what you said and I didn't listen to you. How many damn times did you say it, wanted to change something, but I didn't let you, didn't listen to you.
Even then, I called you a block on my leg, but you weren't. You never have been and never will be. You were the sun below the three of us, your rays hit me too, lit up my dark heart and brought a little joy back into my life. I could have fun, laugh with you and fall in love with you.
But hatred soon caught up with my heart, locked it in and buried it in public so that my feelings never came out. My hatred for the one who took everything from me grew, I thirsted for power, greed consumed my thoughts until I could no longer obey myself. I went away and left you alone, alone with the feelings for which I thanked you gloriously ... - how foolish of me. How I would have loved to tell you how I feel, how I would have loved to pour out my heart and stay with you for the rest of my life. But my hatred forbade me, forbade me to show feelings, even to those who meant everything to me. And the more I hid, the more I realized that I was slowly losing you ...
My hatred led me to the one who could increase my power, the only one who could help me defeat, kill the one who killed my own flesh and blood when he was one of us himself. I stayed with him for a few years and could only think of my revenge, while my feelings were only exposed to daylight now and then. Weak moments when I longed to go back to you, to hug you in my arms, to tell you everything you want to hear and what I want to say ... - just everything.
Instead, they played a bad game with me, persuaded me that I was born for revenge, that it was my fate to act like this and not otherwise. I believed it. All these years I have believed that my fate has been sealed, is unchangeable, and has continued on my way.
A few years have passed in which I completely lost sight of my homeland, I also no longer knew what it was like in the past, what we had together, how we laughed and had fun ... All of this was forgotten until I got my revenge. My revenge on my own brother who made me walk this path. Was it really fate? Was it predetermined that it would come this way? The time should be turned back to the time when I still had a real family, a big brother who didn't take orders from outside and murdered his own family.But why did he spare me? To this day it is a mystery to me.
The hatred drove me on, now it was the turn of the next. My revenge was not over yet, it was about taking revenge on everyone else who had caused my brother's deeds. The campaign of revenge drove me back again ... back to my home.
It was only there that I remembered everything, all the feelings that had been suppressed up to now, that were suppressed and forgotten, but that were only for one person ... always. Again I got back to my previous habits. My soul was full of hatred and cold-heartedness, eaten away by greed, power and vengeance, driven by the hope that my vengeance would soon be completed.
However, it was not planned that someone would get in my way, someone I would never have thought of, someone I would have expected anything but that. It was you, you stood in my way, but at first I didn't realize that. In my eyes you were again just a block on my leg trying to stop me. I still heard your words, they were: "The hatred is making you blind, Sasuke. Open your eyes." you said. I still hear these words today, they echo over and over again in my thoughts. But without my being aware of it, without being able to control myself, I also took my revenge on you.

It had happened exactly fifteen years ago today. I laid hands on those who meant everything to me, who could help me out of my situation, for which I still have feelings today.
What have I done? I killed the last person I love. It was I who put you in this position, who carried you here and buried you. It is no longer a secret, I face those who want to judge me, but I can say that I judge myself. I take revenge on myself, I pay for what I have done. I will make myself atone for what I have done so that you can finally rest in peace. But you deserve more than that, will you accept it? Paradise should be at your feet, I'll fetch the stars from the sky for you, yes, even the sun and the moon, if you wish.
Just look at me, look down on me from above and see what a broken man I've become. The strong one that I once seemed to be has completely disappeared, I have become soft. Will I be able to take revenge on myself? Do I still have the courage to do so, although everything has already been lost? Give me a sign, let it be tiny ... But please give me a sign that I'm doing the right thing.
I know it's the right thing, I can feel your approval, but there is more. I feel more. More of you, more of yourself. That smell ... I remember it like it was yesterday. You constantly smelled of cherry blossoms, a spring breeze full of cherry blossoms, as if you yourself were the fruit of such a blossom, born directly from it ... and buried directly under it.Your patience should now be rewarded, your waiting should come to an end. Aren't you thirsty for revenge too? Revenge on whoever did this to you? But I know that you also long for something else. It should not be hidden from you for a long time, it should not be denied you for a long time.

Take this as a gift, an apology, and a confession.
Take this kunai and guide my hand through your divine power, this vengeance is yours alone. But give me one last wish, grant it to me. Grant me to feel the rays of your heart again. I don't long for anything more.
Forgive me for my deeds, my sin and my silence, for it was wrong to do all this to you.

Take your revenge ... Sakura.