awakening

Path. Just go away.
Alone. Just left alone.
Deceived and user. He just cheated on me and used me.
At the moment I was incapable of other thoughts. Everything revolved around Sasuke, who had left me. Just leave.
The burning was like forgotten. It had done so well, it had felt right until Kakashi came. Even if he didn't admit it, I hurt him with whatever. I had been his cause for concern from the start. I had been awake for two days and hadn't said a word.
I saw it in Kakashi's eyes. The doubts that it was his fault, that he had taken care of my condition. Instead of reassuring him, I punished him with an iron silence for taking my pain away.
The pain and the warmth at the same time. Part of me wanted to finally know the truth, another part just wanted to die. A part of me had gone with him. Part that kept me alive. But now without him my life had no meaning again, for who should I still live now?

Three more days passed without our talking. And every day, Kakashi's feelings became more overwhelming. Since that evening I have been aware of his feelings. But even so, my senses had improved enormously. Even if I hadn't trained before, I knew I was stronger. Somewhere it was scary, maybe that was exactly what had brought me here, what they had all been afraid of.
"Damn it! It can't go on like this!", Kakashi cursed, got up and took my face in his hands. I had to look him in the eye, so his feelings were even more intense.
"What are you so sorry about, Kakashi?", My voice was low and without any emotion. Maybe my look was like that too, I very much hoped it was. There would be no feelings for me.
No more.
"That I didn't tell you the truth," he whispered, now avoiding my gaze.
I didn’t reply and eagerly await his explanation. He got up and paced back and forth in front of my bed.
"I'm so sorry. I should have just told you! But I had promised not to do it and you were sure to be like that!" He began desperately.
"What Kakashi? Finally tell me the truth!" I demanded now.
He took a chair and sat in front of my bed. He told everything from the beginning. That my real parents were Ren Hikaru and Akemi Kanjo, that I had a powerful legacy of two clans within me. Everything hit me like that. And a lot became clearer to me. I wasn't new to my parents, but the fact that I owned a Kekkei Genkai was completely new to me, but it explained Tsunade's fear. He explained to me that all elements were actually based on the light and that I therefore controlled them all. My true origin explained a lot, but not the question of why he had left and what had triggered that in me.
"But that wouldn't be so tragic and would not have happened if it weren't for the prophecy," I thought he was done.I had just processed and understood everything.
"What kind of prophecy?" I asked suspiciously. It was the first time I let in a feeling.
He got up in silence and took out this letter. He gave it to me and I read it through. It was from my parents. My birth parents.
"Was Sasuke ..." I started.
Kakashi shrugged.
"It stands to reason that he is that shadow."
I had to swallow. If the prophecy could be believed, it would mean that Sasuke would return.
Back to me.
"But he's gone. Gone forever," I whispered.
Suddenly all my feelings came over me again.
Anger. Sadness. Despair. Anxiety.
Yes, especially fear. Afraid of the future and afraid of me. I had already injured Kakashi and it was unclear what I was really capable of.
I started crying and writhing together. Kakashi hugged me and began to comfort me. He was the only one left with me. My everything. What kept me together

I wanted out. Just get out of here. Kakashi understood me without words and went out with me. He hadn't said anything more, he just stayed quiet with me and watched over me.
"I ... I want to exercise," I say quietly.
He nodded.
"But I have something else first. Can you try to activate the Karugan?" He asked me hesitantly.
This time I was the one who just nodded.
I concentrated. If I got it right, light flowed through me like blood flowed through my veins. I just had to find it.
Soon I came across something warm, bright.
That must be the light. I continued to focus on that little spot inside of me.
"Runa?"
He tore me out of my concentration and I looked blankly into his eyes. When he saw my eyes he froze slightly.
"Well done," he praised me. So I did it.
I looked at my environment. Somehow she looked different. Much brighter and I took in even the smallest detail. Everything seemed connected and I could feel Kakashi even though he was standing a few meters in front of me.
"Wow," I said, delighted.
My senses had really gotten a lot better.
"Let's get started then," said Kakashi, and started explaining all the different jutsus that had to do with my karugan. I listened carefully and we started training.

"We should go in," he said after we were done. Everything went relatively well. Since he could only explain it himself, he had been unsure, but it had worked. Above all, it was nice not to take all the impressions of nature around me. He had shown me how to block hes, it was useful.
"May I ..." I started shyly.
"Yes, go," he nodded to me and I went deeper into the forest to the lake. Our lake.

So many impressions hit me again when I broke the blockage.It was exhilarating and kept me from thinking too much about what had happened here.
But I made a decision: it was time for me to wake up. I had to start all over again, because now it was no longer just about me and my dull feelings, but about more. Much more.
But awakening would bring some change for me.
Cold. Lonliness. No feelings.
A little more satisfied with myself and with my decision, I started my way home.
I wasn't all alone, Kakashi was with me and would always help me, he had promised me that. I put the block back on and disappeared into the trees. A branch cracked behind me and the leaves rustled in the rising wind.
It was time to start over again.

-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------
The next chapter will be a leap in time, I hope that doesn't bother you too much, because what will happen in time is not really important. New structure and so on, but I'll touch on that briefly in the next chapter;)

lg Runa-chan