Chapter: a) cold tears

Hi

So, this is my first ff and I'm really a bloody beginner, so please don't be too strict. This ff is dedicated to everyone who is brave enough to deal with me.

Here we go:

Cold tears

I'm freezing. I actually always freeze. Lost in thought, I stare into the dark sky. I hardly feel the tears that wet my cold skin anymore. You are my everyday life. But even though I've been crying for nights, they don't want to dry up. I'm crying and I don't even really know why or what.

I'm afraid. Fear of the night. During the day I laugh with the others ... but at night ... my facade falls and I cry. But why? Why do i feel so empty? So cold?

I wrap my arms around myself and go back to my room. When I close the balcony door I usually look out onto the empty, starless sky one last time. As empty as I am ... and tears still well up from my eyes, even though I have been crying for hours.The long coat I was wearing slips off my shoulders and falls to the floor. I step over it carelessly and sit on my bed, wrap myself in my thick blanket, hoping that I would finally get a little warmer. But it's like the tears are draining all of my energy. I cry quietly and hear, as if through a wall, "to burn" by "the rasmus". After a while I am completely exhausted, and finally, after a number of hours, the tears subside a little. They are still flowing, but have become less. My gaze falls on the alarm clock. 01:19 ... in 4 hours I have to get up again. I sigh softly and sneak into the bathroom.

The water on my face mixes with that of the tears. I taste salt on my chapped lips. I stare in the mirror and bloodshot, pale green eyes look back blankly. I blink because tears are taking away my sight again. I hate them. I hate myself.My dark blonde hair falls on my back in corpse waves over my shoulders. Full chapped lips, a somewhat broad nose, reddened from crying ... how I hate myself! I sigh again and go back to my room, where I immediately lie down on the bed and snuggle up in the blanket.

The darkness is oppressive ...

I nestle against the wall as if it would keep the unknown mischief from me. I am broken and just want to sleep, but not only the tears that keep rising prevent this.

Like every night...

The tears make me sick, my soul, which is marked by pain and loneliness, can no longer take it.

And then ... I think of the day of the first tears ...

I hope it's reasonably acceptable. I really hope to come

* cuddle * readfluffy